The past few months have interestingly been some of the hardest times in my entire life. The challenges have seemed insurmountable at times. There were so many times that I have quit and given up, but just to wake up to the next day to realize that quitting and giving up are not an option. People say how strong I am. I am not strong. I am weak and a failure in so many ways, but I have no choice but to get up and to do it all again, over and over again. To that avail, I have been somewhat silent in my public writing. People are tired of hearing of my challenges. People want to hear about success, and I have not experienced that yet.
Austin Texas is my mistress. I cannot leave her no matter how hard I try. I will never love her or embrace her as my home, but she always pulls me back in. There are so many things I love about my mistress home Austin, and I am having a little fun now. I am here now. It took a minute to make that transition. Though it is a familiar groove, I was all in the Dallas scene and high-energy lifestyle. Here, not so much. It took a minute to sit down and continue to soul search. Broke with no real friends, a toddler thrown into the mix, and a daunting sadness, I trudged through each day as best I could.
The real estate thing took forever and a fortune to acquire, then once I did, I have not really got it started yet. I have done one lease deal, and I am putting the word out all the time. Something will give after the first of the year, or I will call it a day and find a job. Until then, the state has released a big competition that is right in my wheel house and how I rebooted my company about 10 years ago. So, I am right here in the heart of ATX and the government, and I am good at it. That takes care of me for a few months, and it could be a way back into a different way I conducted my business for the past ten years. The government changed a rule, and my partner and I were legislated out of business. We got caught in the cross fire of a some high-end deals that put caps on amounts for subcontractors and those who author federal proposals.
So, that aside, we are not starving, though I am still overdrawn. I have a lot of money (relative to how I have lived the past year) coming in, but none of it is in my mail box or bank account yet. One was lost in the mail, and the other is on its way tomorrow. That is a good problem to have. Then, hopefully I can make it for a minute, and then after the first of the year, real estate will start hopping soon. I only need one deal to make a party!
The baby gets to go home permanently (with frequent visits) as of Friday this last week. She is still with me this week while her mommy finishes her semester in hair school. I need her to learn fast and do my hair! I also met someone down here who I am quite fond of. I have been lonely for a while, and it is nice to have someone I like to hang out with and who is willing to put up with all the drama in my life. Miles has absolutely kicked the first semester of his senior year with an impressive GPA! I could not be more proud of him. Jessica is just an absolute miracle and the only Christmas present I will ever need!
To that end, I am a very lucky lady. I have been through a lot challenges, and I have persevered, not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice. I am not saying it is over, but I am breathing for a minute. Pray those checks get here in time for Christmas, though we are not doing presents this year. We are present enough to each other – my beautiful and ever-growing family. It’s a girl! We will all welcome the little baby in our unique family style in April. Congrats Hannah and LT!