The song by Green Day is about a father who dies, and the writer cannot take it or go to the funeral or all the pain. He says, just wake me up when September ends. I played that song in my head in September 2013. September and October were hard, and in all reality, so was November and December when we were in the hotel. Every step of this past year has been hard, but it was an amazing journey.
Now, I am faced with yet another huge upheaval in our lives. I ended up down here in Austin for some messed up reason. I tried to get a job in a few of the establishments just here in my building. I applied at Zushi Sushi for a bartender position. The manager said they are fully staffed, then two days later, there was a new 18 year old girl who had no clue how to make any drinks. I actually told her the recipe for one of the drinks while Jessi, Skylar and I were enjoying their $5 happy hour tuna rolls (Jessi was anyway). It is clearly ageist society down here, and I am not young. I confronted the young manager, and he stood there with his mouth open. I do intend to file a complaint because that was clearly age discrimination. And, now I won’t let Jessi have their $5 tuna rolls. I do not want to go back there. They hurt my feelings and there is never anyone in there. There is a reason for that Zushi Sushi! Your patrons are my age. They do NOT want to see some 18 year old twit googling how to make a simple mixed drink. Take a look at the place next door that has more than 4 times the patronage everyday of the week. Their staff are at least old enough vote and even to drink!
The next two months are going to be the hardest for me financially maybe in my entire life. Now, I have a new burden to bear, though gladly. I have a baby with me 24-7. I cannot even leave her with anyone for even a minute because she is under protective custody and in my care. I signed a paper and made an agreement, and I have the honesty, love and integrity to do what I say I will do. It takes from me even more. How can I possibly work? The one thing that brings me joy that I had left is jogging. I cannot even do that now. If I had a baby jogger I could, but the POS stroller I have now will not suffice. So, I sit here basically a prisoner in my own home and in my own mind.
I have a job offer that I am gladly going to take. Thank you sooo much Donny L and F2OnSite! I have to get certified in a few things, and I have to learn some new skills, all while I am supposed to be working on my real estate classes. These things are not hard, but they do take time, and I had five people in my home for a week, then seven for the weekend. I live in a 900 square foot apartment. Well, I cracked and sent four of them back home, leaving me with Jessi and Skylar. I wish I could have been more tolerant and could have taken it. It was better for them, but I have to take care of me too. It is very hard to study or sit in front of my computer for any time at all! Skylar is a serious handful and a full-time job! I am lonelier than ever in my single life. I do remember that being in a miserable alcoholic marriage was the loneliest of all times, and this is better than that, but not a whole lot. I cannot date, run, look for a job, hang out on a patio with friends, go to the lake with friends, or do anything because I have a 15 month old child who is quite spirited!
So, I say, thank you God for all the blessings I have this morning. I have Jessica Gail Wilcox, and she is very much alive and with it. She is my baby girl who did not die but lived, and in great part, she did it for me! I thank her every day for fighting so hard and for being so strong and for not leaving me. She is truly a miracle. And so is Skylar. She is not supposed to be here, and they told us she was going to have Downs Syndrome, then they told us she would be developmentally delayed. She is none of those things but rather a spirited and perfect little baby girl, just like Jessi is a spirited and perfect teenage girl!
My new job starts August 18, but I am going to beg that I can start on the 25th. Jessi starts school on the 25th, and my new best friend the CPS caseworker, is working diligently with me to get Skylar into a day care by then. That means I can work starting the end of August. That also means that the rent is due a few days later, and Miles and my car insurance. I am behind two months on his car payment, and his and Hannah’s rent is due and everybody’s electricity bill is due. I do care and help my adult children because they are still my children, and we all need help. I am a mommy first and foremost, but I do look forward to being a productive working person in this world.
I am still pursuing my real estate career, and my consulting business will have some serious activity starting in October, and I will remain loyal and take care of my commitment to my new job. I will be changing out hard drives on laptop computers. I think it sounds like a lot of fun, but I have a long way to go to get there. Jessi’s 14th birthday is August 19! I am hoping to take her back home to be with all her friends. It sounds so nice to be around people again. We are very lonely and isolated up in here. I suppose that is what God intended for us. She still has a little healing to do, but it’s about to be on. We went to O’Henry Middle School yesterday and talked to the Principal. He is very cool, and we both felt very safe and happy there. It is a great school, and probably the best middle school in the Austin area.
She and I (and I suppose Skylar) are headed to Lubbock, Texas in November. We are going to the Warp Tour! This is Jessi’s dream, and since she was in a coma and dying for the birthday present I got her last year, being tickets to Red Hot Chili Peppers in Atlanta, I am thrilled to do this with her. The thing I do know is that everything can change in just a second! Tomorrow is not a guarantee. Today is what we have, so I will seize this day. I had two people send us a check to help with school supplies, etc. I wish I could just sit down and finish the last two classes I have for my real estate gig, but even at that point, I cannot pay for the test or the registration fees. I asked a few of my wealthy friends for a loan, but I was shot down, so I will just forge ahead. If I cannot pay my rent and bills, then I will just find another place to call home I suppose. I have never been in this type of position, but as I just read to Skylar before her nap, “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” Anyway, to end this with yet another cliché, wake me up when September ends!